What Do You Do When You Can't Do Anything?

I'm a woman of action. I'm also bipolar, which means I'm essentially an "emotion extremist" — as in, it's all or nothing. I hate transition periods. I want to skip ahead and read the ending. I often want instant gratification. I have a short attention span, and I truly dislike and cannot comprehend "doing nothing" about a problem.

Sitting in the mess, so to speak, is anathema to me. I can't do it. I don't like it. It makes me crazy. And yet, with the current state of America, I am knee-deep in AI slop, disinformation, political assassinations, unnecessary war(s), a literal loon in charge of our public health, mass shootings, multiple famines, genocides, state-sponsored kidnappings, unnecessary tariffs, media capitulation, a kleptocracy and a kakistocracy shaking hands, and a constant assault on my psyche as everything I was taught as a child about our government and how it's "ideally" supposed to work, has been in the dumpster along with some hanging chads since the 2000 election.

Ideally, this post would be about what we can do when problems feel immense and insurmountable. It would offer charities you could support, or Congress critters you could spam. I would recommend therapy or exercise to relieve anxiety. I'd talk about reaching out to friends and family, creating community. Or maybe I'd suggest getting involved, organizing, strategizing, and figuring out what the best plan of action is to put pressure on our "leaders" to save this country from becoming the dusty, hate-filled backwater it so desperately wants to be.

But I know a ton of people doing these things. I am doing these things! I'm working with nonprofits, launching a dinner party series, and I'm back working out again. (I hate exercise, yet I'm three weeks into doing strength training, HIIT, pilates, and tennis throughout the week. My abs are killing me.) And yet, this week, I was filled with such an impotent rage that I'm still going through it three days later.

Because what do you do when you've done what you can and the results aren't coming because it could take years to bear fruit? I mean, you can sit under an apple tree and wait for apples, but what if it's a sapling? You're going to be waiting a long-ass time for that fruit, and you're hungry now.

The waiting truly is the hardest part.

Because while we wait, people are starving, people are dying, people are languishing in prisons simply for having the gall to move to the place where all the money and resources are concentrated. I read press reports of how tourism is down, and rather than blame the obvious (people overseas terrified of coming to America because they might get kidnapped by ICE, and sent to any ol' country not of their origin), the New York Post would rather run yet another manufactured, Gen Z bashing article from Fox News blaming online gambling and avocado toast.

So what do you do when you've done what you are capable of doing, but know that it might be a decade or more before anything works out? How do you sit in the mess?

(This is not a rhetorical question! I'm genuinely curious how others do this!)

Last year, my boyfriend Joe and I went in circles over my worry about the 2024 election. I knew Vice President Kamala Harris would lose. Three days before the election, I had a complete mental breakdown, unable to function because I couldn't handle existing in this waiting time between a continuation of a slightly crappy government versus the destruction of our weak Democracy and replacing it with fascism with the Hard "F."

Like, I wasn't in love with my options, but I'm pretty sure Harris wouldn't have done this, this, or any of this.

My old coping mechanisms (all bad) definitely would not work during this time of transition and waiting. If this had happened in my 20s, it would have manifested in one or two ways. With finances ("I already don't have enough money to pay rent, so why not blow what little cash I have left on nonsense!" said a 24-year-old me), or with food ("I'm sad, so I'm eating. I'm happy, so I'm eating. I'm bored, so I'm eating," said my Id, Ego and Super Ego), there's no problem that couldn't be fixed with cash and a delicious bowl of pasta. Or ice cream. Or a slice of cake. Or a new, pretty dress. Usually, people use the analogy of if you're a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. With me, it's more like every problem can be solved with a trip to the Nordstrom flagship store. (They have a cocktail bar in the shoe section!) But making it rain while stuffing one's mouth creates more problems, just like drowning one's anxieties and sorrows in alcohol too often could lead to addiction or liver problems.

So, pilates!

I'm probably the angriest pilates person showing up at 8 a.m. to attack the reformer. (Is there a term for people who do pilates???) I hate going until I get there, but once I'm in it, fighting the reformer, jamming my feet through loops while on my back, shaped like a crab, I'm fine. I hate working out with my trainer when I do HIIT (high-intensity interval training). Even though the sessions are blessedly short, my muscles are burning the whole time. I'm deeply uncomfortable, and after 60 reps or more, the 15-pound weights feel like they weigh 150 pounds each. But it's easier for me to get down on the floor and get back up now without feeling like a turtle turned over on its back. And tennis? It's great. I love tennis. I'm horrible at it, but for some reason, between the cute outfits and hitting balls, I feel so much better. This Wednesday, I walked from 33rd Street in Manhattan all the way to Tribeca, about 2 miles, which took an hour. I try to do between 7k and 10k steps or more a day, because I'm trying to exercise the stress and strain from the current state of everything.

I'm also being "gentle" with myself. I'm drinking water. I'm trying to eat healthy and clean. I'm more moisturized and pampered than I've ever been. I see my therapist every week. I take my medication. I keep up with my doctor's appointments, annual screenings, and check-ups. And I watch copious old episodes of The Real Housewives on Peacock while I try to figure my life out.

But the rage. The rage won't subside.

So, really, what do you do when you're trapped in life's waiting room besides ... wait?