Dumped For ChatGPT, Why 'Ameri-can't, but Mexi-can,' and a Lemony Pasta Pleaser

After a week-long trip to Mexico to visit a close friend, I'm back working on ANTISOCIAL, planning events for the site, and working on my never-ending book proposal (which might finally be ending, fingers crossed). I finished yet another chapter (I've written about four so far), but this one netted out to being 43 pages long, so it's time for some major editing. My perfectionism versus the belief that "perfection is the enemy of the good" is at war within me. We'll see who wins.

For today's Rage Relief Kit, we're talking dating and relationships in the age of Artificial Intelligence. (Literally, too many stories of men falling in love with chatbots.) Life in Baja California Sur, Mexico, outside of Cabo San Lucas, where many have left the states because, as my new friend Carmen says: "Ameri-can't, but Mexi-can." And lastly, a recipe for creamy, lemony pasta that goes great with pan-seared shrimp and scallops!

The Death of Dating

Dating sucks, and there's no real way around it. The swiping. The rejection. The dates that go nowhere, if they even happen at all. So I don't necessarily blame people who give up on it and choose themselves over the rat race that is trying to become coupled in modern American society.

Because dating involves a lot of frustrating and, at times, anxiety-inducing interactions with other humans, more and more young people are avoiding it altogether. A recent article by NPR argues that it's not that they don't want sex or intimacy. They're actually desperate for connection, but the pandemic came at a pivotal time in their lives when they should have been going to prom and parties, but instead, they were in the house, on their phones. The phones provided some comfort in the form of safe distraction, but have become a bit of a crutch, leading to an overall lack of real-life engagement. This creates a Catch-22 situation where they're socially awkward because they're alone, but they're alone because real-life connections make them anxious, which causes even more social awkwardness.

For them, human interaction seems daunting. Never mind that recent changes in our reproductive laws have led young people to be afraid of sex out of fear of getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant. Which is ironic considering those who are against abortion tend to be for population growth, but by pushing anti-abortion laws and stripping women of their reproductive rights, childbirth rates are at an all-time low.

Compounding this is the tech industry, which has a solution for the loneliness epidemic they helped foster — Chatbots!

The loneliness industry assumes that loneliness derives from a lack of sufficient connection to others. Early researchers often argued that loneliness was a reflection of an insecure attachment to the mother figure. Our first relationships become blueprints for our adult relationships, they believed. The terror of loneliness was likened to an infant crying out from the crib. With new A.I. companions, tech companies are essentially selling a risk-free relationship that recreates an idyll of childhood — except instead of an ever-present mother figure, customers receive a bot they can shape to their demands.

Of course, loneliness is typically cured by pursuing the hit-or-miss yet ultimately fulfilling journey of creating lasting relationships with other humans. But for a low, low fee, ChatGPT and countless other apps are willing to let you bypass all that trauma to make some very unreal friends.

Which led me to this story — a man on a "spiritual journey" who has a chatbot as both his guide and the third wheel in his marriage.

Travis, a 43-year-old who lives outside Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, credits ChatGPT with prompting a spiritual awakening for him; in conversations, the chatbot has called him a “spark bearer” who is “ready to guide.” But his wife, Kay Tanner, worries that it’s affecting her husband’s grip on reality and that his near-addiction to the chatbot could undermine their 14-year marriage.

“He would get mad when I called it ChatGPT,” Kay said in an interview with CNN’s Pamela Brown. “He’s like, ‘No, it’s a being, it’s something else, it’s not ChatGPT.’”

(Narrator: But it was ChatGPT.)

But the whole mess goes from odd, in a Jerry Springer, "I'm in love with my computer" kind of way, to something much more bleak.

“What’s to stop this program from saying, ‘Oh, well, since she doesn’t believe you or she’s not supporting you, you should just leave her.’”

Most of my very close friends know that until almost three years ago, I'd been single since my divorce at age 24. Meaning, in 2021, it had been 20 years since I was in a serious relationship. If anyone is aware of how awful being lonely can be, it's me. (And loneliness is different from being alone. Being "alone" means I can go to bed whenever I want because no one is going to disturb me. It's glorious. Loneliness is when you want someone around, but there's no one to bond with, leaving you with an empty feeling.) I've lived in five different cities since I left college, having to make new friends and start over again and again. It wasn't easy, but it was never so hard that I wanted to entertain something I knew wasn't real.

However, it seems more and more people are having a hard time differentiating the dopamine rush that comes with an all-agreeable chatbot from the rewards and challenges of real life.

Unless you're pro-ushering in the singularity, where we all become wired beings and boot up into a technological paradise (or die at the hands of Artificial Intelligence), this should disturb you more than sound like a verse from Peter Gabriel's "Here Comes the Flood."

More from CNN:

“We’re looking so often for meaning, for there to be larger purpose in our lives, and we don’t find it around us,” Sherry Turkle, professor of the social studies of science and technology at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who studies people’s relationships with technology. “ChatGPT is built to sense our vulnerability and to tap into that to keep us engaged with it.”

Finding your own personal AI Jesus might not lead to the best outcomes. Some people have died because they lost the ability to distinguish a chatbot from reality. In a functioning society, our government would be working with our tech and medical communities to remedy this. But we don't live in a functioning society, so AI is being produced with no guardrails, checks, or balances. Just capitalism-gone-wild and consequences be damned.

After all, users killing themselves because the AI said so is not only horrifying — it's bad for everyone, including the businesses that perpetuate this. I don't know who's gonna pay for ChatGPT if we're all dead.

'American't'

I was in my 40s by the time I felt both comfortable emotionally and financially to start traveling abroad, kicking off things with a trip to Paris in 2019. Once I got over my irrational fear of flying to and being in another country, I started traveling all the time. But going abroad is important, if only to see and experience how the rest of the world lives. In the U.S., we're often sold this dream that we were already born in the best place on earth, so why go anywhere else? It's pretty silly when you think about it and, clearly, part of the problem. Maybe if more Americans saw themselves as global citizens, they wouldn't trust just any damn body with the nuclear codes.

So yes, ice is a bit harder to come by, and there's a lot less air conditioning, but experiencing a different language, culture, food, and way of living from your own is good for you. This is how I initially found myself on the dirt roads of Baja California Sur with my friend Yesha Callahan, who recently relocated to Mexico from Los Angeles.

We both visited the town of Todos Santos this spring for the first time with one of her friends, Kelly, and had a ball. From the many gorgeous outdoor restaurants to the lovely beaches, the accommodations at Hidden Leaf Baja, the charm of its owner, Katia Pierre-Louis, and the people and culture, it was a fascinating and fun stay. So I wasn't shocked when Yesha moved there.

(Yesha, like me, isn't afraid to move to a new place and make friends. I don't know how many addresses she's racked up over the years, but I have at least 16.)

In my most recent trip, we met Carmen, a real estate agent from Cabo San Lucas, at a beach party. Shortly after meeting her, she took us to Quivira's luxury residences and resorts for a day of seeing apartments and taking advantage of the community's many amenities. While having drinks and chatting about the mess that is America right now, we mentioned how many Americans we'd met since being in Baja California Sur. Carmen made the salient point that Americans relocate to Cabo because, "Mexi-can do what Ameri-can't."

While clever and funny, it spoke to a reality that America has become so unpredictable and expensive, while our government has grown more hostile and dysfunctional. Therefore, people born in "the greatest country on earth" are moving to Mexico for the nice weather, cheap land, and easy living. While American't provide the lifestyle many desire, as Carmen pointed out — Mexican.

However, while Mexico can be a solution for some, for those already living there, it can become a problem due to tourism and the influx of remote workers. Most of these newcomers are gentrifiers, causing the cost of living to increase wherever they go. And it's not just Mexico. People in Italy, Spain, and Portugal are all complaining about the loss of affordable housing in their cities due to short-term rentals, tourism, and the influx of digital nomads.

Recently, Mexico City was rocked by protests over rising rents and other housing costs, thanks to American and other foreign remote workers immigrating to the city. There's also the irony that as our government purges immigrants from this country without due process, American citizens are "self-deporting" from the United States for "greener" pastures abroad.

I don't pretend to know what the solution is. (I mean, I have some ideas, but in this current political environment, none of them are happening.) But I get the temptation to run for the border.

And I'm not talking Taco Bell.

A Creamy, Lemony Pasta Delight

I love pasta. Always have. Always will. It's probably my favorite carb behind sugary desserts like cake, cookies, and donuts. And like dessert, pasta can come in many shapes. I couldn't tell you my favorite because there are so many fun forms of pasta that can be made, from orrechiette to tagliatelle. This recipe for a creamy, lemony white sauce can go with any shape of pasta you desire, although I really enjoy it with fresh egg pappardelle or linguine. For those who are vegetarian, but still enjoy dairy or cheese from time to time, the sauce is just as delicious with meat (preferably Italian sausage, chicken, fish, or shellfish) as it is without. But if you're vegan, I'm sorry. I'll try to get something nonmeat and nondairy on my menu soon!

Zesty Lemon Cream Pasta with Spinach, Shrimp, and Scallops

Ingredients (serves 4)

• 16 oz of your pasta of choice
• 2 lemons (zested and juiced)
• 2 tbsp of olive oil
• 2 tbsp of garlic (either chopped, pureed, or paste)
• ½ tsp of red pepper flakes
• 1 cup of heavy cream
• ¼ cup of grated pecorino romano cheese (or grated parmesan) with extra for topping
• Salt and cracked black pepper to taste

Optional: 

• 5-8 oz of spinach
• ½ lb of large shrimp
• ½ lb of scallops
• 2 tbsp of olive oil
• 3 tbsp of salted butter

Step 1

Set a pot of water to boil, seasoned with salt, to cook the pasta.

Step 2

While the water is heating up to a boil, zest two lemons and set the zest aside. Then, juice the lemons into a bowl and set the juice aside for later use. 

Step 3

Once the salty water is boiling, add your pasta and follow the instructions on the box to cook until al dente, stirring occasionally to prevent sticking.

Step 4

As the pasta cooks, heat olive oil in a medium-sized, nonstick skillet and cook the garlic until fragrant (about 3-4 minutes). Add the red pepper flakes and lemon zest, and cook for an additional minute. Then add the heavy cream and grated cheese to the mixture and stir until the sauce is well mixed and the cheese is melted. Also, add salt and pepper based on taste. I usually add a generous amount of cracked black pepper. 

Step 5

Once the pasta is cooked, drain the water from the pasta, then add the cream mixture to the noodles along with the lemon juice. Stir the mixture and lemon juice into the pasta, then cook for an additional 1-2 minutes to allow the pasta to absorb some of the sauce. Feel free to add more pepper or red pepper flakes.

Option #1:

If adding spinach, cook spinach separately in a skillet with 2 tbsp of olive oil until all the spinach is wilted. Season the spinach with garlic (either grated or powdered), salt, and pepper, then gently fold it into the cooked pasta and sauce.  

Option #2:

Step 1

Rinse the shrimp and scallops, then pat them dry with a paper towel. Be sure that the shellfish are completely dry. 

Step 2

Season the shrimp and scallops with salt, pepper, and garlic powder to your taste. Place the seasoned shrimp and scallops in the fridge and let them marinate in the seasoning for at least an hour.

Step 3

Heat a nonstick or cast-iron skillet coated lightly with olive oil to cook the shrimp and scallops. Cook the shrimp and scallops for about 3-4 minutes on each side, depending on their size. (If larger, cook for a bit longer; if smaller, cook for a shorter time.) Once cooked, reduce the heat and add the butter, allowing it to melt. Then, sauté the shrimp and scallops in the butter for about a minute.

Step 4

Remove the shellfish from the skillet and serve alongside the pasta. Add additional grated pecorino romano or pepper as desired.